1989 moodboards: welcome to new york
kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats
I really like my life right now, I have friends around me all the time. I’ve started painting more. I’ve been working out a lot. I’ve started to really take pride in being strong. I love the album I made. I love that I moved to New York. So in terms of being happy, I’ve never been closer to that.
there’s an old poem by neruda that i’ve always been captivated by, and one of the lines in it has stuck with me ever since the first time i read it. it says “love is so short, forgetting is so long.” it’s a line i’ve related to in my saddest moments, when i needed to know that someone else has felt that exact same way. and when we’re trying to move on, the moments we always go back to aren’t the mundane ones. they are the moments you saw sparks that weren’t really there, felt stars aligning without having any proof, saw your future before it happened, and then saw it slip away without any warning. these are the moments of newfound hope, extreme joy, intense passion, wishful thinking, and in some cases, the unthinkable let down. and in my mind, every one of these memories looks the same to me. i see all these moments in bright, burning red. my experiences in love have taught me difficult lessons, especially my experiences with crazy love. the red relationships. the ones that went from zero to one hundred miles per hour and then hit a wall and exploded. and it was awful. and ridiculous. and desperate. and thrilling. and when the dust settled, it was something i’d never take back. because there is something to be said for being young and needing someone so badly, you jump in head first without looking. and there’s something to be learned from waiting all day for a train that’s never coming. and there’s something to be proud of about moving on and realizing that real love shines golden like starlight, and doesn’t fade or spontaneously combust. maybe i’ll write a whole album about that kind of love if i ever find it. but this album is about the other kinds of love that i’ve recently fallen in and out of. love that was treacherous, sad, beautiful, and tragic. but most of all, this album is about love that was red.
